Why won't my banana vine grow?

I bought some banana vine seeds from a very respectable looking gentleman, who had the sleeves of his jacket sewed together. He also promised me first bid on some ocean front property.

Why won't my banana vine grow?
Try urinating on it.
Reply:Maybe you need to stroke it a lil...
Reply:hey, he lives down the street from me.
Reply:That same man came to my door, and sold me some jelly seeds.
Reply:Sadly, this happens to most older banana vines. Either it will grow a little and become limp or won't sprout at all. Sometimes manual stimulation helps. Otherwise you are going to have to visit a horticulturist. "Miracle Grow" has come a long way and there is no shame in seeking help.
Reply:Fi fi fo fum...I smell the blood of a sucker man.
Reply:oh no

not again
Reply:Get ready for your golden goose..
Reply:Bring the seeds to me. I'll plant them in my Vagina garden and see if I can get some cross pollination going. Who knows, we just may be on to something.
Reply:Oh my, I don't know. But he same thing happens to me all the time! These men, in nice white suits, yes the sleeves sewn, want to sell me something... but it never works. I, in fact, just bought a time machine the other day, but all that happened when I tried to use was plaster fell on my head... I don't get it.
Reply:If he had offered magical beans and said they would grow a giant bean stalk up into the heavens would you have believed that too?